Release
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Danger. The first time one of the monks in the temple had come on to him, he was no more than ten years old. Even then, he knew. He was born knowing. He was, apparently, desirable; at least to nasty old paedophiles and sleazebags. They weren't hard to resist. It was no different on the road. The first time he'd killed it had been to protect himself from rape. The hatred he'd felt for the man, the brutality it had awoken in him and the disgust at his own violence was burned into his memory forever. He didn't regret it. He'd done what he'd had to do. But he didn't have to like it. As he grew older and ever more dangerous, he was able to express his disgust at men's' advances with a look or a threat rather than resorting to bullets. Meanwhile, if most women seemed immune to Sanzo's charms, the feeling was mutual. Sanzo didn't want women at all. He never had. It had been of mild surprise to him when he found out his tastes ran that way, but compared with the turmoil of the rest of his life it didn't much matter, especially as he never particularly expected to have sex with anyone. As far as Sanzo was concerned, sex was either something that happened to other people, while he ignored it, or occasionally something that tried to happen to him and ended in violence. Until he set out on an interminable journey to the West with a bunch of idiots. Then things changed. ******* Sanzo knew that Gojyo wasn't entirely straight. He knew this the moment he first laid eyes on him. The way Gojyo looked at him reeked of monks and woodland ambush, and as if that wasn't enough, there was Hakkai. Gojyo protected and followed Hakkai with all the devotion of a lovesick puppy. An idiot could see it. And Hakkai... It must have been gratitude. Or so Sanzo supposed, at first. ******* The first time he found out for sure about Gojyo and Hakkai was in an Inn, only a few days into the journey. Sanzo and Goku had gone to bed, leaving the other two in the bar still playing cards. As Sanzo reached his room he realised he was out of matches. So he cursed and returned downstairs. They were sitting opposite each other in a nook by the fire, just where Sanzo had left them. Nothing in the slightest bit unusual, and Sanzo watched with half an eye from across the room while he waited for the bartender, and then... Gojyo picked up Hakkai's hand and, very quickly, blink-and-you'd-miss-it, kissed his wrist. Hakkai smiled at him. A tiny, domestic gesture. A fleeting moment, the merest promise of something more and nothing Sanzo should have been surprised by. That's all. ******* Sanzo kept the certainty of Gojyo and Hakkai's secret to himself. It was irrelevant, a distraction from the journey he was increasingly impatient to complete. When he was particularly pissed off, he'd make sure to share a room with Hakkai. Especially if Hakkai and Gojyo had been flirting all day, exchanging irritating glances and whispers and casually draping arms around shoulders or laughing over something Sanzo didn't quite hear and Goku didn't quite understand. Group dynamics. Just another torture device. He didn't give a fuck what they did when he wasn't around. Or so he thought. ******* It was late and Sanzo was more than a little drunk. He climbed the stairs of the inn to find his room, moving with the steady caution of one who knew that gravity was an enemy and dignity could flee in an instant. He heard the soft growl of Goku's snore and opened the door to their room. Except, it wasn't their room. Gojyo was spread across the bed on his back, arms wide, hair a pool of red silk on the white cotton pillow. His skin was bathed in candlelight and his long, strong legs were wrapped loosely around Hakkai's waist. Hakkai stood at the end of the bed, one palm flat on Gojyo's hip and the other.... .... the other hand was wrapped around Gojyo's cock, making slick clicking noises as it swept repeatedly over the length of stiff flesh. As Hakkai's hips surged, fucking. Fucking. Hakkai was fucking Gojyo, right there, in front of him, the detail scorched into Sanzo's memory from that one split freeze-frame second, before he had mind enough to swear and slam the door. ******* Sanzo wasn't asexual. Far from it. As Gojyo so often delighted in observing, Sanzo was all too aware of worldly desires, and this was no different. It wasn't that he didn't get aroused or feel the need for release. It wasn't that at all. It was the rest of it. ******* Weeks passed and turned into months, and apart from Sanzo taking a little more care over which room he stumbled into, little changed. Sometimes, in a half-doze haze when waking or falling asleep, or when the all too-familiar rhythm of Jeep's wheels grinding over dirt lulled Sanzo's mind into a traveller's trance, Sanzo remembered that night and what he'd seen, and his dick would stir shiftlessly in his pants, and his belly would clench, and his chest would tighten. A quick round of bullets usually provided welcome distraction. And he wasn't short of targets. ******* "Your deal, Sanzo." Sanzo stared at the cards that Gojyo had just plonked in his palm. He blinked, and began to shuffle. Gojyo was moaning some kind of complaint, and Hakkai was shushing him, soothing, and Gojyo said something, little more than a grunt but Sanzo wasn't a fool. Hakkai admonished his lover softly, under his breath, and Sanzo caught the whisper of their legs sliding together under the table. Sanzo got up and went to bed without a word. ******* It barely registered on the scale of things. It didn't consume Sanzo's every waking moment and it certainly didn't divert him from his quest. It never distracted him during a fight and he didn't lose any sleep over it. He wasn't the only one in the group who wasn't fucking every night. There was always Goku. Goku was an idiot when it came to sex. A boy. An innocent. He took the piss out of Gojyo without understanding a word of what he said. He asked Hakkai questions that Hakkai somehow never quite got around to answering. He didn't question Sanzo at all. A child. What better partner for a celibate than that? ******* It had been a long and miserable day. Hot and dusty, littered with youkai. Sanzo wanted nothing more than to slip into a hot bath, wash the dust from his weary limbs, get shitfaced on sake and collapse into bed. The first part of the plan went fine. Sensing his mood, Hakkai had first entrusted Goku the unenviable task of sorting their laundry ready for collection, and then taken himself and the ever-grumbling Gojyo shopping. Quiet, and blissful solitude. By the time Sanzo emerged from his bath, he was feeling halfway human. He swept into the room they all had to share, warm and clean, the urge to break things receding fast. His first mission was to reach the table by the window, where he'd left his cigarettes. He never got there. ******* "Ow! Sanzo!! Ow! Shit, that hurts!" Goku knelt on the bed, arms wrapped protectively around his chest, tears smarting in his huge golden eyes. The fan had left a red mark across his naked shoulders. "Idiot!" barked Sanzo. "'M sorry," Goku mumbled. "I just..." Sanzo glared, daring him to continue with any manner of justification. At that moment nothing, absolutely nothing could persuade Sanzo that what Goku had been doing spread out on the bed, cock in one hand and what he could only assume to be one of Gojyo's magazines in the other, was in any way excusable. "I..." Goku hung his head in shame. "Hakkai says it's normal." "Since when is Hakkai any authority on what's normal?" "Well, he's... he was a teacher." "What's that got to do with it?" "It doesn't feel bad. Is it bad, Sanzo?" "It's irrelevant. It's..." Perfectly normal for a healthy, curious teenager. "Just don't do it in public," he muttered, and slumped on the end of his bed, all the energy leaving him in a whoosh. "I wasn't in public!" Goku protested. Sanzo raised the fan again, but his heart wasn't in it. "Pass my cigarettes." Goku obediently hopped over to the table and retrieved the packet, ashtray and matches. "Get me a beer." Beer was duly provided. "Hakkai says everyone does it," said Goku nervously. Sanzo just snorted. "I'll be careful," Goku promised. "Good," said Sanzo. "And Goku?" "Yes?" Golden eyes round and eager. "Put your dick back in your pants or I swear I'll chop it off." ******* It was perfectly normal for an adolescent boy (or, he supposed, an ancient heretical force manifested as an adolescent boy) to masturbate. It was perfectly normal for grown men to seek pleasure in each others' bodies. They were men. All men. That's what men did. Other men. Except... ******* It looked like rain, so Hakkai insisted on putting the tent up. Sanzo wasn't convinced. The sky looked mostly clear to him, or clear enough, but he had to concede that Hakkai was usually right about these things. So he let it go and went into the woods for a smoke. He would have liked some peace and quiet, but that was unlikely in the extreme. Only one more night and they should reach the village Hakkai had been tantalising them with for miles. It had been nearly a week, nothing but scrubland and rocks and moss and heather and, of course, the occasional irritating band of youkai. Sanzo was weary of avoiding things. Careful not to bump into Hakkai and Gojyo when they'd snuck off at night; careful not to take Goku by surprise just in case... well, just in case. He longed for the relative privacy of an inn. Next time he'd get a room to himself, even if it meant sending the others out to sleep in a stable somewhere. That's what he needed. Privacy. "Sanzo." "Fuck off." Sanzo didn't look round. He took a long drag on his cigarette and blew smoke out into the clammy mist that was drifting through the trees. "I thought you might like this," said Hakkai, undeterred. Sanzo ignored him. "It's sake. I managed to save a little that Gojyo doesn't know about." Sanzo glanced over his shoulder. "Why?" "Because Jeep has some hiding places that no-one else-" "No, I mean why share it with me?" "I thought perhaps you, of all of us, need to unwind the most." A cool, full bottle was slipped into Sanzo's hand and he drank from it. ******* He wasn't drunk. He could swear he wasn't drunk. He was sitting at the foot of the tree with Hakkai at his side and somehow it had got dark. Hakkai was sitting close and talking softly to him, and Sanzo braced himself against the warmth of Hakkai's leg pressing lightly against his own. "Goku spoke to me today," Hakkai said lightly, as if he were just making conversation. "He seems a little confused." Sanzo ignored Hakkai and took another swig from the bottle. "He seems to be worrying that he's upset you somehow," Hakkai continued. "I'm not having this conversation." A trace of irritation flickered across Hakkai's face. Sanzo scored that as a perverted sort of victory. "I wondered if you'd like me to have a proper talk with him," Hakkai said. "Or perhaps Gojyo." "No! For fuck's sake, no, not Gojyo. Anything but that." "I think perhaps for Goku's needs Gojyo is the most knowledgeable...." "If you're talking about sex," Sanzo said, keeping his voice as level and calm as he could, "I don't want Goku getting any ideas about serving girls and strippers. He's got enough to worry about. I don't want any more distractions." "Well then, perhaps I..." "Whatever." "Very well. I'll talk to him tomorrow. Sanzo..." "What?" "If you'll excuse me for speaking out of turn," Hakkai said with excessive humility, "I don't think you're being entirely fair on him. We all get certain urges, and..." "I don't need to hear this." "Yes," said Hakkai firmly, "I think you do." And his hand rested firmly on Sanzo's shoulder. "It's a long way to India," Hakkai said. "Get your hands off me," said Sanzo. It took him a long time to say it; the words seemed reluctant to leave his mouth. Fucking sake. "We all need a little privacy from time to time. Surely when you were his age..." Goku's age? Eighteen? By then the killing had already started; the struggle, the blood was a part of his life. He'd heard Goku's voice. He'd been a Sanzo priest for several lifetimes by then. He was already running. "Sanzo, it might be better if-" "I don't know what you're talking about," said Sanzo stubbornly. Hakkai sighed, and his hand fell away. "Very well," he said. "I won't bother you any more." He stood up and Sanzo did the same, staggering back against the tree somewhat, his feet all pins and needles from sitting there so long. "I'm sorry," Hakkai said, and gave one of his little bows. Only Hakkai could put such a wealth of disapproval into an apologetic dip of the head. ******* Just another distraction. That's all it was. Sex was not for Sanzo. Sex for Sanzo meant death and pain. Sex was a diversion on the journey. Sex happened to other people. All the fucking time. ******* Sanzo sat outside the tent and watched the fire die. It was nearly out, embers glowing their last flares of orange light, when a large log came out of nowhere and landed on them with a hiss. Gojyo sat next to him, and blew on the fire. He wasn't wearing much. A pair of worn-thin sweatpants that had seen better days. "You'll freeze your arse off out here," Gojyo observed. Sanzo lit a cigarette. "You really don't have a clue, do you, Cherry-Chan?" Sanzo's fingers closed around his gun. "Now now, Gojyo," came Hakkai's voice. "I don't think getting Sanzo angry is going to help. Hakkai was perched on Sanzo's right. They flanked him, thigh to thigh to thigh. "He's one big ball of denial," Gojyo said. "We're wasting our time." "Gojyo..." "It's not like I want his bony ass that much anyway..." Hakkai caught Sanzo's wrist as he pulled the gun. "We don't want to wake Goku," he said firmly. He kept a hold of Sanzo's arm but his fingers were soft. His thumb moved on Sanzo's wrist in little circles. "I'll kill you," Sanzo hissed. "No," said Hakkai. "I don't think so." "Me neither," said Gojyo. "We can stop at any time," Hakkai told him, and then he started. He straddled Sanzo's thighs, cupped Sanzo's face in both his hands, and kissed him. Sanzo struggled to respond, not knowing how, not knowing if, but Hakkai.... Hakkai was patient, and firm, and his hair fell across Sanzo's face and his mouth worked hungrily on Sanzo's, and then he pulled away. "My turn," came a voice to his left. Gojyo didn't pause; his tongue slipped straight into Sanzo's mouth, his arm looped casually over Hakkai's shoulder. His eyes slid shut and Sanzo realised he wasn't running. Wasn't killing. Wasn't saying no. "No," he tried, feebly. "It's your choice," Hakkai reassured, pushing Sanzo's robes down over his hips. "No," Sanzo murmured. His head was thick with sake and lack of sleep. And something else. And then he was alone. No! He hadn't meant it, he didn't want to say no, he'd meant something else, he... The fire was out; the air chilled Sanzo's bones, rain fell on his cheek and he realised the truth. He'd fallen asleep by the fire. ******* Days passed. A week. The dreams came and went, occasionally waking Sanzo in a cold sweat. Or worse. But Sanzo was used to dreams. ******* He'd only been looking for cigarettes. Goku had unpacked the shopping - carelessly, as usual - and he'd ended up with Gojyo's crappy brand instead of his own. He took the pack and headed down the corridor to trade. They hadn't locked the door. It opened with one swift kick and there... ... was Hakkai, sat naked on the bed with Gojyo on the floor in front of him, mostly clothed but on his knees, on his knees, red hair spread over Hakkai's thighs as he sucked his cock. Sanzo's eyes met Hakkai's. Sanzo froze. "Oh dear," said Hakkai absently, as if someone had forgotten to put the milk back in the fridge. "Gojyo...?" "Not good? Not fast enough?" Gojyo licked his lips. Drool dripped down his chin. "We have company," Hakkai said. Gojyo followed the direction of Hakkai's gaze, a cold snarl settling on his face. Probably expecting youkai. "No," Sanzo said, still rooted to the spot. "Shit!" Gojyo scrambled to his feet, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand. "Haven't you heard of fucking knocking, you idiot priest?" "I don't think that's it," Hakkai murmured. Sanzo found his voice. "Haven't you heard of self-control?" Gojyo laughed. Sanzo crossed the room in two strides and snatched Gojyo's collar in one fist. "Don't..." he started. Gojyo's eyes glittered through rumpled hair; his mouth was still wet; he was breathing hard, still half-laughing, and his scent filled Sanzo's head, musk and smoke and sweat. "You hypocrite," Gojyo breathed, and before Sanzo could even draw his hand back for a punch... Gojyo kissed him. Sanzo's first instinct was to hit; his second was to run. He did neither. He tried to move back, took one step, but there was no space. Hakkai was right behind him. "Give it up," Gojyo murmured, his fingers splayed over Sanzo's throat. "Stop fighting it." "You..." A dream. It was just another dream. Something pressed into his groin, hard. Gojyo. Gojyo's hand. Sanzo yelled, shoving Gojyo away. A jolt like lightning pulsed up his spine. Not a dream. Gojyo chuckled. "We could help," said Hakkai, calmly. "Relieve the pressure a little. Satiety isn't a weakness, you know." "Yeah," drawled Gojyo, his eyes well below Sanzo's waistband. "Getting off isn't so bad, either. It would do something about that fucking great lump in your pants." "Actually, Gojyo," Hakkai said patiently. "... ah, never mind." "I should kill both of you," said Sanzo. "That's one choice," said Hakkai. "This is another," said Gojyo, and grabbed a handful of hair at the nape of Sanzo's neck, pulled him in and kissed him again. Hard, insistent, tongue pressing between Sanzo's lips. He must have been kissing back, because his lips parted; his tongue quivered against Gojyo's. He didn't want to run. Not this time. Not any more. "We can stop anytime," Hakkai whispered in his ear. "Any time at all." "Or not," Gojyo added. "Fuck," said Sanzo. Gojyo's fingers tightened in his hair, tugging his head back to bare his throat. "If you like." His mouth was on Sanzo's neck, and there were hands snaking around Sanzo's middle to unbutton his jeans. Hakkai. He felt a flash of fear he'd never admit to: they'd done this before, they were always... and he'd never.... "Relax," said Gojyo. "It's supposed to be fun. If you remember what that is." "Now, now, Gojyo. Let take Sanzo take his time." Hakkai's hand ran under Sanzo's shirt, across his stomach, fingers spread across tight muscle while his other hand slid inside his jeans. And to think, Sanzo had expected Gojyo to be the one in charge. Should have known better. "What do you want, Sanzo-sama?" Gojyo purred. "What is it exactly you've been itching all this time to do?" Sanzo groaned and slumped back helplessly into Hakkai's arms as clever fingers curled around his cock. He felt the whisper of cool air across his skin, first touch of someone else's hand. He was dizzy with it, the need more urgent than ever. "I think perhaps the bed," Hakkai murmured. "We can take it from there." Sanzo didn't want to move, as if to do so would break the spell, turn the hard press of male bodies around him back into a threat. But Hakkai was right. The bed was better. More room, no fear of falling. They took care to touch him all the time, always present, keeping the tension alive, the fear at bay. They stripped him of his shirt, his robes, his boots and socks. He shivered. "If you want to stop, please say," Hakkai whispered. "If there's anything you don't like..." "That would be a first," said Gojyo. "I don't think I've ever done anything that people didn't like." Their voices sounded far away, but Sanzo took their meaning, held it close. He was in control. If he wanted.... Hakkai's hands were on his dick again, moving in long, smooth strokes. Gojyo touched his hair like it was something interesting, and kissed his face and neck. Sanzo's hips rolled; he felt hot, flushed, hungry. Gojyo was sliding down his body, wet kisses across his chest, slick tongue joining Hakkai's fingers. Sanzo gasped, flung back his head and clutched at Gojyo's hair. Gojyo chuckled, smugly, before he swallowed Sanzo for the second time. Hot, wet slide with perfect pressure, fingers (Hakkai's?) curled around his root; Sanzo told himself it was a dream after all, and let himself be touched. "Tell us what you want." Hakkai's voice, breath warm at Sanzo's neck. "Fuck," Sanzo gasped, without thinking. "I want to fuck." Yes, that was it. As good as Gojyo's mouth felt, Sanzo's hips wanted to surge and plunge and he wasn't sure, didn't know, yet, how much Gojyo's throat could take. There was a whispered conversation, an agreement. Gojyo straddled Sanzo's hips and leaned down, hair falling over Sanzo's face like rain. "D'you care which one of us you fuck?" Sanzo shook his head, hoping it would be Gojyo. Because Gojyo was strong and Sanzo knew that he could take it. "Guess I'll do, then," Gojyo smirked. "Strip," Sanzo said, running a hand down Gojyo's denim-covered thigh. Hakkai knelt beside Sanzo on the bed and kept him busy while Gojyo shucked his clothes. Hakkai's mouth was softer than Gojyo's, his kisses more tender. There was nothing rushed about it, nothing fierce. "Here." Gojyo passed something to Hakkai, and resumed his position straddling Sanzo's hips. "And get the jeans off him. I want him naked, too." "Certainly." Hakkai disappeared again, and Sanzo's jeans and underwear were tugged neatly off his legs. Gojyo wrapped his hand around Sanzo's cock and let out a low whistle. "Could be a fun ride, Sanzo-sama. I always wondered what you were hiding underneath those robes." "You've seen it before." In baths and showers, dressing in the morning... they'd all seen each other. Gojyo's cock hung to the left, Hakkai's to the right.... Gojyo's never really seeming soft, except when the shower was really cold... "Not like this." Gojyo squeezed Sanzo's cock appreciatively. "Hakkai, give me some slap." Curiosity opened Sanzo's eyes; he saw Gojyo reach behind himself and Hakkai put something in his hand. When Gojyo's touch returned to Sanzo's cock it was slippery and cool. Gojyo leaned forwards, taking a moment to kiss Sanzo's mouth, bullying his lower lip with sharp, nipping teeth. Hakkai was behind Gojyo, stroking his ass with the same calm movement he used when healing. Sanzo's hips surged, his cock thrusting desperately into Gojyo's hand. It felt good, very good, but not enough. Nowhere near enough. Gojyo groaned into Sanzo's mouth. He shuddered, eyes closed, shoulders trembling, murmuring Hakkai's name. Hakkai chuckled softly; there was a slap, a smack of hand to bare skin. "You'll do," said Hakkai. "Ready, Sanzo?" "Oh, he's ready," Gojyo said. "He'd fuck the bed if we weren't here." "Fuck you," said Sanzo, and tugged on Gojyo's hair, pulling him down to kiss. Gojyo shifted, yanked on Sanzo's cock and then.... Sanzo froze. The head of his cock was nestled somewhere warm and slick, and it wanted more than anything to push, to shove inside and fuck. It felt so brutal he was almost sacred. "I won't break, Sanzo-sama," Gojyo said. "It's true," said Hakkai. "Gojyo's very resilient." Still, Sanzo didn't dare to move. He was breathing hard, lungs burning, his stomach full of knots. "Come on," Gojyo said. "You wanted to fuck. So fuck me. Unless you changed your mind?" Hakkai's fingers wrapped themselves firmly around the root of Sanzo's dick. "Let me help." Hakkai held Sanzo's cock in place, tugging gently once or twice, hard enough that for one awful moment Sanzo thought he might come. He took a deep breath and held it until he thought he'd burst. Gojyo sank down, just a little, and that was enough. With a long yell Sanzo surged up, thrusting into another body for the first time. Gojyo grunted, settling himself as Sanzo plunged inside him. Hakkai's hand had vanished; Sanzo was buried to the hilt in the perfect squeeze of Gojyo's slick, hot arse. "Good," Gojyo murmured, and his voice shook just a little. "That's the idea. Just a little..." he wriggled on Sanzo's cock until he seemed to find a fit that suited him. Then he let out a long, contented sigh. Gojyo's cock twitched, and let out a stream of thin fluid across Sanzo's belly. Hakkai leaned across and licked it up. At that moment, Sanzo lost what little sense of reason he'd clung on to. His body knew what it wanted to do and Sanzo let it; he held Gojyo firmly by the hips and thrust into him, over and over again. Gojyo arched back and rolled his hips to meet each thrust, gasping every now and then when Sanzo hit him at a certain angle. Hakkai tended to them both; kissing Sanzo's mouth and nipples, sucking Gojyo's cock, stroking balls and stomachs and his own stiff dick. "Don't stop," Gojyo said, eyes hooded, his own cock thrusting into Hakkai's mouth as Sanzo's surged inside him. "Almost. Don't stop.... don't..." Gojyo yelled; his arse clamped hard around Sanzo's dick and Hakkai backed off. Thick white drops spattered Sanzo's chest and belly as Gojyo thrashed wildly, still meeting his quick, pumping thrusts. Sanzo couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "Come on, Sanzo," Gojyo growled. "Fuck your come up my arse like you mean it." Ridiculous fucking kappa. Only Gojyo would say.... Then he felt it. A rush of fire down his spine, straight to his groin, a pleasure so intense it was almost unbearable and then, at last, at long, sweet last... Release. Pounding, throbbing, undeniable release. "Oh shit," Gojyo murmured, his cock, still hard, dry-twitching in Hakkai's hand. "Too good, man. Too good." "Hmm," Hakkai murmured in agreement. Sanzo was dimly aware that Hakkai's cheeks were flushed, and Gojyo alone couldn't account for the prodigious streaks of semen drying stickily on his stomach. Shower. He needed a shower. But first.... "Hey," said Gojyo, somewhere in a dream. "Will you look at that? The bastard just fell plain asleep." ******* Sanzo went back to his own room at dawn and they were back on the road by noon, as if nothing had ever happened. Except that everything had changed. This is how it was, that sex began to mean something more to Genjo Sanzo than danger, death or fear. He wouldn't put a name to it. Or if he did, he called it this: release. Because some nights, when the tension coiled in his belly and the night felt too long; when the urge got too strong, when Gojyo looked at him a certain way or Hakkai touched his hand... Sanzo didn't run. ~owari~ |
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