Pets
by keistje

Aya stood, staring out the window at the light falling of snow that dusted the ground. Every crystal seemed to wink at him in the fading light from the sun, sparkling like diamonds. It seemed a happy scene, one that hardly fit his low mood. He did not know how long he had been standing there, but it did not matter. His arms curved around him, hugging himself tightly, but it could not banish the cold that seemed to come from inside him.

He barely heard the door behind him open and shut, the sound not really registering until warm arms slid around him and pulled him against a soft chest. He sighed softly, relaxing backwards into the support as Youji rested his chin on his shoulder.

“Whatcha thinking about, love?”

He was silent for a moment, sorting his thoughts out before trying to say them out loud. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“Remembering. The snow makes me think about…” Aya hesitated, unsure for a moment about sharing the precious memory. But this was Youji, who cared about him, who he trusted with his life, who… loved him. Who, when he was honest with himself, he loved in return. “… makes me think about my life before.”

“Before? You mean before you became an assassin?” Youji’s voice was soft in the quiet night, comforting.

“Yeah. When I was younger, Aya and I had a cat, just a little thing, black and white with the softest fur you’ve ever felt. He was my parent’s cat, but after the two of us were born, he adopted us, acted like we were his kittens. He used to love to play in the snow, and he was so funny, shaking his little paws every time he took a step. Aya used to laugh every time he did it. That cat was home to us, part of the family. My parents treated him like just another child, and we grew up almost thinking he was another brother…” he trailed off then, caught in the grip of bittersweet memories.

Youji hugged him tighter, giving him comfort with his presence. “So what happened?”

“A few years before my parents were… killed, he died. Aya cried for days.” Despite the years, it was still painful to remember.

“Did you cry?”

The simple question made him jerk his head around to look at Youji’s face, but there was no teasing there, just simple curiosity. Satisfied that he was not being made fun of, Aya nodded slowly. “Yeah. People always tried to tell us that he was just a pet, but it wasn’t true. He was more than that, he was a member of the family. Having him die was like having a part of ourselves die.” His eyes were suspiciously wet now, and he blinked rapidly to try to clear them.

Youji did not seem to notice. “I had a dog once, a long time ago. I was older than you were, but I still loved him. It really hurt when he was gone. I cried like a baby.”

Trust Youji to be able to say something like that without it seeming childish. It made him feel better, to know that he was not the only one who had had such an experience. He laid his head back against Youji’s shoulder, still watching the snow fall from under half lowered lids.

“But you know,” Youji said softly in his ear, “they aren’t really gone.”

“Hmm?” He was not quite sure what the blonde was talking about.

“Your cat and my dog. They aren’t really gone. No one is gone forever when someone still remembers them. They live on forever in our memories, in our hearts.” He lifted a hand and placed it gently over Aya’s heart. “As long as you never forget, they never go away. They just watch over us from a different place.”

Aya raised his head and turned in the circle of Youji’s arms. The older man’s eyes were oddly bright, and he stared into them for a moment. “It still hurts, even if you know that.”

Youji nodded slowly. “And it always will, a little. It’s cause we miss them so much. They leave a little hole in our hearts when they leave us.”

It should have seemed odd for two assassins, ones who dealt with death on a daily basis, to be getting teary eyed over memories of beloved pets, but it could not have felt more right to Aya. He felt a little lighter, as if a small weight had been lifted off his heart. Leaning into Youji’s body, he laid his head on the other man’s shoulder. Youji curled his arms around him, holding him tightly. In a voice soft enough to barely be heard, he whispered. “Thank you.”

He was not sure if Youji heard him or not, but it did not matter. Just him being there was enough. The blonde was right, the pain would never go away, the hurt would never totally stop, but that was just an indication of how much love had been given away freely. The pain hurt, but it only made the gift that much more precious. And his memories of the joy were something he would never want to give up. What precious things they were, these loved ones that touched our hearts and gave us life. They helped us see the beauty of living.

Youji’s voice in his ear broke him from his thoughts. “You know, we should get a cat.”

Aya lifted his head to look into his eyes. There was love shining there. “Really?”

“Yeah. Why not? It would be perfect for us, you know, the whole ‘Kitten in the House’ thing.”

Aya had to laugh. “We’d have to ask Omi and Ken.”

Youji grinned at him. “You know they won’t say no.”

He was probably right. And it was not a bad idea. He was swept up in gratitude for this man who brought so much laughter and love into his life. Leaning forward, he whispered, “Alright.” And then he lifted his chin and brought their lips together, sealing it with a kiss.