Memories

First story in the Sands of Time series.
by scribblemoose

Chapter 11 - Fear

Irvine peeked round the door of his room, almost frightened as to what he might find, the way the morning had gone so far. But familiar surroundings welcomed him: covers in a heap on the floor, one empty coffee cup on the desk. She'd gone.

He staggered to the shower and stripped off his sea-drenched clothing, leaving it in a sodden pile in the shower tray. He was suddenly so weary he couldn't even be bothered to wash the ocean from his skin. He made his way back to his bed, picking up the quilt on the way, crawled onto the mattress and gave way, at last, to the call of sleep.

* * * * * * *

Irvine dreamed, body curled up tight, arms embracing his pillow.

He was in a club he knew near Galbadia, and he was with Squall and Rinoa. The music throbbed with a slow, heavy beat and they were dancing together; he was pressed in heaven between their bodies, moving completely in harmony with each other. He felt safe and hot and so horny it hurt. Rinoa ground her butt into his groin, Squall held him round the waist as their hips swayed. Irvine threw his head back, awash with sensuality, his hair loose; Rinoa reached her hands round the back of his neck and he brushed gentle finger tips down the side of her breasts, feeling her shiver with pleasure against him.

Then they were in his old room in Galbadia Garden, winter frost outside but warm and cosy and naked on his bed. They made love as a chain; Squall's head was between Rinoa's thighs, licking her softly, like ice cream; Rinoa teased Irvine's cock with her tongue, brushing against him with her cheeks, her lips, her hair; Irvine's lips were wrapped around Squall's cock, hot and hard, licking the tip, cupping his balls in one hand, the other on Squall's hip, controlling his movements, pulling him closer, deeper. They were as at ease with each others' bodies as they were with their own, knowing exactly how to bring pleasure, how hard, how fast to move. Every touch was passed along from one to the other, spiralling in intensity. Squall's fingers were sliding in and out of Rinoa, Irvine could hear how wet she was; she started to fuck Irvine with her mouth, slowly and sensuously, sucking just enough to make him feel he might come any minute; Irvine relaxed his hold on Squall's hips, letting him thrust, opening his throat and sliding his tongue around his friend's delicious hardness.

Then he was in the shower at Galbadia, a huge, communal room, stainless steel walls and white tile floors. At first he thought he was alone, but then he felt Squall behind him, just Squall this time, holding Irvine's hair out of the way so he could kiss the back of his neck, caressing his back with soft fingers. "Sniper, you are magnificent," Squall whispered in his ear, "I could take you everyday, and never have enough." Irvine turned, confused by his words for a moment, but any unease was washed away as he saw Squall, dripping wet, hair in his eyes, shower water cascading over his shoulders, streams and rivers running over his hard, naked body. Irvine drew his breath in sharply, pulled that beautiful flesh close to him and kissed Squall deeply, plundering his soft wet mouth with his tongue, pressing his thigh against Squall's erection. Squall groaned, moved his hands to Irvine's butt, kissing Irvine with contagious pleasure, rubbing against Irvine's leg, leaking pre-come over hard muscle.

Irvine kissed back Squall's wet hair, tasting the water on his skin, licking droplets from his ear, his throat. Squall was humping his leg now, smoky eyes half closed, head thrown back. He took Irvine's cock in his hand and started to pump steadily, perfect grip, perfect cadence, until Irvine came helplessly into Squall's cupped hand, then pulled back and coated his own cock in Irvine's come. Irvine groaned, still hard, as Squall turned him and pushed him against the cold steel wall, tilting his hips up and back; he felt Squall's come-covered cock nudging against his ass, relaxed at the welcome invasion as Squall slid inside, hot and hard. Squall started to thrust, long, strong strokes, and Irvine reached a hand down to touch himself, his erection as strong as if he hadn't already come, balls full and throbbing. Squall's cock found the right spot every thrust, they both felt it. Squall offered Irvine a finger to suck and he drew it gratefully between his lust-swollen lips, tasting himself, lashing Squall's fingertip with his tongue.

They came together, Squall deep inside him, his own come pulsing over his hand like waves on the shore.

* * * * * * *

Squall watched Risha sleeping, wondering how long they could keep her like that. The nurse on duty had told him she was already nearing the highest safest sedative dose, and couldn't guarantee keeping her unconscious for more than twelve hours. After that they would probably have to use Ether again. That idea made him uneasy; Irvine had gone through a lot already.

"Is she still asleep?" came Xu's quiet voice from behind him.

"Yes," he replied. "For now." He turned to face her. "Any news?"

"Not much. Quistis and her team are getting ready to leave tomorrow, still no sign of Chet, nothing on the crystals. Although I have doubled the teams working on them, see if we can get results any faster. Any luck with Oceanus?"

He shook his head. "No. It happened again, Xu, the memory thing. One minute we were going after Oceanus, the next, bam, it's all over, no idea what happened except Irvine looks like he's half-dead and we're no better off than when we started. It was bad enough on the energy crystal mission, but for it to happen again, and so close to home…"

"And the others don't remember anything?"

"Not a second of it."

"How long did you lose?"

He shrugged, "an hour, no, nearer two. The sun was well up by the time I started remembering. Longer than before. I need to solve this, Xu. Has anyone else reported anything? Any unusual memory loss?"

"No, nothing out of the ordinary. But then… Rinoa hadn't even thought about it, Squall. She was surprised when I asked her about it, she'd sort of… forgotten she'd forgotten."

A chill ran up Squall's spine. He remembered standing in the ruins of Trabia Garden, Irvine telling him about a childhood he hadn't known he'd had, friends he'd forgotten, put a name to the loss he'd felt most of his life without understanding… Remembered how he'd felt afraid, for the first time, of the quiet presence in his mind that gave him the strength and power he didn't know how to do without.

Something rang in his mind, like the striking of a bell.

"Xu… do you know anything about Chet's guardian?"

"No, not really. He brought it with him from Esthar. You know Chet, kept himself to himself really. Always the consummate professional. I don't suppose anyone would have dared ask. It'll all be on file, though. Why? Thinking we could use it to contact him?"

"No." Squall shook his head. "Xu, there's something I didn't tell you yesterday. I was hoping to talk to Chet first but seeing as he's gone… somehow or another his Guardian was set free. We found it in the Fire Cavern after Rinoa's test."

"Native?"

"Oh yes. Completely. But Rinoa subdued it."

Xu let out a low whistle. "She doesn't do things by halves, does she?"

Squall suppressed a knowing smile. "No. She doesn't."

"I can't imagine Chet letting his guardian go free. Not at all."

"No. There was something else, too. Did you ever hear Chet call it by name?"

"Oh yes, sure. Gemini. It splits in two, doesn't it? Or something like that."

"When it came to Rinoa it said it was Gemini Pandora. Why Pandora?"

Xu shook her head. "No idea. Squall… you know how it is. Guardians aren't always the same with different people. Maybe it's a formal name, or something. Squall, I was wondering…"

Squall wasn't paying attention, lost in thought. "It's just a name with too many bad associations… I think I'll go have a look at Chet's file," he said. "I want to make sure I know what's in Rinoa's head before she goes off on a mission."

"Squall… are you sure it's still safe? The surveillance trip, I mean. When we know so little about the Dia and with Risha and all this…"

Squall frowned. "No," he said, "I don't think it was ever going to be safe. We're SeeDs. We don't do safe. But it's necessary."

He was surprised to see sudden anger cross Xu's normally passive face.

"How can you say that? You're sending Rinoa, for fuck's sake! You love her, and you stand there and calmly say you're sending her into a danger we know nothing about! Don't you have a heart in that glacier you call a soul?"

He stared at her, stunned by her outburst. "Rinoa knows the risks," he said quietly. "Xu, this is what we do, it's her choice. She wouldn't want me to give her any special treatment. Anyway, she won't be alone. Selphie and Quistis will watch her back. It's nothing she hasn't faced before."

"How do you know? The last two missions you were on, you can't even fucking remember what happened!"

"We're not going to find out what happened, either, unless we go out there and look," he kept his voice level, fighting rising anger.

"But you've already half-killed Selphie and now Irvine…"

"Xu, that's enough." The images of Irvine pale and choking on the beach; of Selphie buried under flaming teeth and scales, were still all too raw in his mind. "I know it's hard. I've lost count of the number of times I've sent my friends into danger. But we have to do this, you know we do. Rinoa's not exactly like any other new SeeD. She's put in more field time already than I had by the time I went to Ultimecia. Xu, we have to do this. You said yourself, it's the only way."

Xu pressed her fists to her eyes. "It's so hard," she whispered. "I never knew it would be this hard."

Squall frowned. "Xu, you were organising missions like this when I was still a sulky brat of a cadet, and never with so much as a doubt. What's wrong? Really?"

She fiercely rubbed traitorous tears from her cheeks. "I don't know," she said. "Maybe I just see things differently now."

"Tell me what you need," he said. "Are you sick? You said last night…"

She shook her head. "No. No, I'm fine. Just… I don't know. Look, there's no need to mention this to anyone, is there? Me... falling apart like this."

"Of course not. I'd like you to get a check-up, though. Take some time off, you've been working like a mad person ever since Edea told us about the Dia. Quistis can take the briefing this afternoon."

She managed a half-smile. "Is that an order, Commander?"

"Yes. I think it is."

"Alright. I'll take a few hours. Thanks. I'll just… stay here for a bit, if that's OK. Get myself together."

"Of course." He picked up his jacket and turned to go. "Oh, and Xu… they'll be fine, you know. Rinoa and Selphie and Quistis. They know what they're doing."

The expression on her face left him in no doubt that she didn't believe him.

* * * * * * *

Irvine woke up to the afternoon sun streaming through his window, warm on his skin. He took a moment to register his surroundings, shaking away half-remembered dreams, pleased to find that although his body was uncomfortably caked with salt from the morning's excursion, it didn't hurt any more. He searched his mind: Ether was back, quiet but unhurt. Irvine stretched, yawned and blinked his eyes open.

The first thing he saw was his rifle, lying on the floor by the bed. He could imagine every moving part seizing up with saline and seaweed as he watched. He was almost pleased. For the first time that day he felt he had a task ahead of him that had a half-chance of proving both achievable and satisfying.

He dragged himself out of bed and showered, wincing slightly at the puddle of clothing he'd abandoned, especially the state his leather duster had got in, and dressed in clean jeans and shirt, thanking whatever god it might have been that made him do his laundry a couple of days ago. He went to get himself a coffee, and that was when he saw the note, leaning against the kettle.

It just said 'thank you' in the same neat handwriting he remembered from the beer mat last night. Next to the words was a picture, two serpents entwined together around a slender tree, beautifully drawn. He made out her name, letters disguised in the twist of snakes and branches. Frila.

He suddenly felt almost overwhelmingly sad.

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knocking.

"Irvine? Are you alright?" Not her voice. He went and opened the door.

"Hi, Rin. I'm OK."

"Squall told me he half drowned you. I thought you might want to come and get something to eat?"

Irvine juggled these two ideas for a moment, failing to find any particular logic connecting them. But he was hungry. And seeing Rinoa there, smiling at him, was very comforting.

"Sure, why not. Just let me put my gun in some lube."

She laughed. "I won't even ask," she said.

"It got wet," he explained. "In the sea."

"It's a wet kind of place, I guess." She watched him as he swiftly dismantled his rifle, cleaning it down bit by bit, slathering goo here and there. "What happened?"

"To be honest I don't remember a whole lot of it," he said, "but there was a certain amount of failing to get what we went for." He dropped bullets into his desk drawer and locked them away. "There, that'll do for now. Right, come on, SeeD Rank 15. Let's go to the cafeteria and you can tell me how your first day as an officially qualified saver of worlds is going."

* * * * * * *

Squall sat at Quistis' desk, glaring at the computer screen.

"What are you looking for, anyway?" she asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Chet's file," he said. "Bollocks, it's not here."

"Yes it is," she patiently leaned over his shoulder to reach the keyboard and tapped in a few commands. "It's confidential. So you have to put your password in. You remember. Your password."

He looked helplessly at her.

"Oh, for goodness' sake." Quistis clicked a few more keys. "Here, use mine. I've got full personnel clearance."

"Sorry Quis," he gave her a sheepish grin, "I always forget."

"That's why you're using my computer, I suppose, is it? Because if you were in your own office you'd not be able to do anything other than swear at it."

"Something like that. Sorry, Quis."

She smiled. "Actually it's good to see you. Don't see enough of you these days."

But he was already absorbed in the files flickering across the screen in front of him. She went back to reading reports.

"Quis," he said, after a while.

"Mmm?"

"Is Xu OK?"

"How d'you mean?"

"Well, she seemed a bit… upset. She was worrying about Rinoa and this mission tomorrow."

Quistis felt a flutter of excitement in her belly. Calm down, Quis, it's only a mission.

"Why Rinoa? I'd've thought after yesterday there shouldn't be much doubt that Rin can handle herself."

"Well, that's what I thought too, but Xu didn't seem happy."

"She's under a lot of pressure, you know. It's not easy, having responsibility for the whole of the training side and being your deputy."

"Can you talk to her for me, Quis? Make sure she's not doing too much? We can always find a way to spread the load."

Quistis nodded. "Of course."

Squall leaned back in Quistis' chair. "This is no good," he said, pointing accusingly at the computer. "It doesn't tell me anything about Chet I don't already know."

"Still no sign of him, then?"

"Not a whisper. And Rinoa has his Guardian."

Quistis gave him a look. "And you were going to tell me this when?"

"I just wanted to tell Chet first, is all. It attacked us at the Fire Caverns, and she subdued it."

"Well, I guess it won't do the mission any harm. Any extra help will be useful. I'll have to have a talk with her, though. It's not easy, taking on a two new Guardians at once."

"If you could keep an eye on her…"

"Squall, I'll keep an eye on all three of us. You know that."

"Looking forward to it? The mission?"

Quistis grinned broadly at him. "I can't tell you how much," she said.

* * * * * * *

Irvine pushed his empty plate to one side and leaned back with some satisfaction. "That feels a lot better," he said.

Rinoa smiled. "By the way," she said, "I never got a chance to say thank you. For sorting things out with Squall yesterday."

He took her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "It was the least I could do, Rin." And it had its own rewards…

"If you'd told me yesterday morning that I'd graduate and get Squall before sundown I don't think I'd have believed you."

"To be honest, neither would I. So, come on. I need details." Irvine slipped comfortably into the role of confidant, relieved to be able to forget his own problems for a while and enjoy Rinoa's long-awaited happiness.

"Irvine! You're hopeless!"

"Humour me. No, let me guess. You saved him from certain death a couple of times and he fell helplessly into your arms."

"No, he was just… well, to be honest I was so focused on passing the test I kind of ignored him."

"That would have been a shock. So what, he asked you out when you'd passed?"

"Well, kind of…"

"He just looked at you and mumbled a bit until you asked him out?"

"No…" she looked at him, eyes sparkling. She suddenly felt she had to tell someone, and Irvine could probably be trusted…

"It was after the test… I sort of jumped on him."

"You what?"

"I jumped on him. I don't know, I was all kind of post-battley and excited and I just… jumped on him."

"Good gods, woman. What did he do?"

"Between you and me," she leaned conspiratorially across the table, and paused.

"What? What?!"

"Oh, I couldn't possibly say." She sat back, laughing.

"You are just the biggest tease, Heartilly."

She gave him a slightly smug look. "Well, I wasn't teasing yesterday in the Fire Cavern. And that's all I'm saying on the subject. Anyway, shouldn't it be Squall you're trying to get all the details from? Isn't that what boys talk about?"

"Oh no, Rin," grinned Irvine, "Squall's far too much of a gentleman to ever tell me half of what you have."

"You bastard!" She slapped his arm playfully. "That's the last time I let you convince me to tell you anything!"

"Yeah, right. By the way," Irvine pulled a swift turn in the conversation, "how was the briefing? Are you all excited about your first mission?"

"Oh, gods, am I? I can't wait. I even managed to listen to everything Xu said. And I wrote some of it down," she added, proudly.

"Was Selphie alright?"

"She was late, and she looked really rough. Xu was mad at her."

Irvine shook his head. "She's not good at drinking."

"No. Or at least, not good at dealing with the after effects. So, what about you?"

"Oh, the alcohol was fine. It was the gallons of sea water that made me sick."

"Poor baby. No, I meant the party. After we left."

"I didn't stay long. Went to bed not long after you guys."

Rinoa ran a finger round the rim of her water glass.

"That's not what I heard."

"Oh? And what exactly did you hear?"

"That you were in the quad chatting up women until the party was over."

"Well, obviously, I had to chat up some women."

"Any luck?"

"No. No, not really. Well, you know, not my type." He felt a pang of guilt, and almost considered opening up to Rinoa and telling her about Frila: but somehow he didn't know where to start.

"I didn't think there was a woman alive who wasn't your type."

"Now that's just downright hurtful, Ms Heartilly," his eyes twinkled at her. "And I really think you should go buy me a muffin to make up for it."

"Oh, alright, you scoundrel. Blueberry or chocolate?"

"Blueberry. No, chocolate. Both. After all, you're not on cadet wages anymore, are you? Anyway, who's been spreading this libel about me?"

"Quistis, actually. I think she was quite late leaving herself. And she's very happy today. Quite excited, in fact."

"Well. I wouldn't have thought Mr Firearm had it in him."

"All I'm saying is that she looked happier than she has in weeks." Rinoa tapped the side of her nose. "I'll leave the rest up to your imagination. Now, were you going to buy me a muffin?"

* * * * * * *

Squall found Rinoa and Irvine still in the cafeteria an hour or so later, playing cards.

"Squall! At last! Tell Irvine to stop cheating, he's got nearly all my best cards!"

Irvine watched the new, soft expression on Squall's face as he smiled at Rinoa; noticed the way she smiled back, all girly and wide-eyed. He was fairly sure that if it went on too long it would all get far too sickly, but for now their modest affection was a welcome antidote to the altogether more complicated feelings he was busy suppressing in himself.

"Join us?" Rinoa shuffled up the bench to make room for Squall. "Win my cards back for me?"

Squall shook his head. "Sorry, Rin." He turned to Irvine, his face serious. "Risha's waking up," he said.

"Oh." Irvine's spirits plummeted, "I'd hoped it might take longer," he admitted.

"She seems to be resistant to any kind of sedative the Doc can give her," Squall explained. "I'm sorry, but we need to use Ether again."

Irvine nodded. "Of course." He gathered his cards together and got up to leave. "I'll see you later."

To his surprise, he felt Squall's hand on his shoulder. "You're not doing this alone, Irvine. We'll be with you."

Irvine looked for a moment into Squall's calm grey eyes, touched by the concern in his voice.

"Are you sure? I mean, you're busy and…"

"Just try and stop us," said Rinoa. "We'll be there. As long as you need. "

Irvine smiled gratefully. "Thanks." His stomach clenched, already anticipating Risha's despair. "OK," he slipped his cards in his pocket and reached in his mind for Ether. "Let's go."

* * * * * * *

Irvine sat on Risha's bed, holding her tiny hands in his own. He could sense that she was already reaching consciousness, and understood Squall's sense of urgency. Looking at her fragile face, remembering how it had felt last night, holding her quivering body in his arms, any reluctance he might have felt at sharing a link with her again was gone. He couldn't bear the thought of that fragile mind facing that horror again alone.

Rinoa sat close to him, Squall standing just behind. He knew Squall must be itching to ask questions; there were so many answers in Risha's head that he needed. But he said nothing.

~Ether? You know what we need to do?~

~She needs to hide.~

~That's right. Ether, can we make her forget?~

~All?~

~No, just… whatever's frightening her?~

~Her mind has closed around it. She could break.~

I can believe that, thought Irvine as he stroked the hair back from that delicate face.

~Just sleep, then.~

~As you wish, Sniper.~

The surge was slower this time, more controlled. Irvine knew that Ether found relaxed minds easier to deal with, unconscious ones all the more so. But the fear and turmoil was still there, chilling and intense. She may have been asleep, but her dreams seemed every bit as terrifying as her reality. He sank into her emotions, drowning, overwhelmed with despair and paralysed with fear. He wanted so much to comfort her, to reach out and …

~Sniper. Leave. You will harm.~

Irvine swiftly drew back, realising with a shock that he'd gone into her mind without even thinking about it.

~She will sleep now.~

Irvine felt Ether slip to the back of his consciousness, and became slowly aware of a strong arm around his shoulders, gentle fingers brushing his cheeks.

"Irvine… Irvine, shhh… we're here. Come back to us." Rinoa's voice was soothing beyond belief. He opened his eyes, realised she was wiping tears from his face, deep concern in her soft brown eyes. He blinked at her, not really able to think. He realised he was leaning against something. Someone. Squall. Squall was holding him, the warmth of his body comforting against Irvine's back. And the hands in his weren't Risha's tiny ones any more, they were Rinoa's, strong and calm; she knelt in front of him, close. He fought his disorientation, tried to speak but no words would come out.

It was getting dark: the light was on next to Risha's bed.

"Take it easy, man," Squall's voice reverberated around him, deep and reassuring, "you've been out of it for a while."

Irvine blinked. "How long?"

"About an hour," said Squall, casually, as if it was perfectly normal for a whole sixty minutes to pass in the blink of an eye.

"Risha's sleeping again," said Rinoa, pushing loose strands of hair out of Irvine's face. "It's over."

To his horror Irvine felt he might burst into tears: their tender concern felt overwhelming against the raw emotions of his link with Risha. "What happened?" he asked, afraid that if he didn't say something the sobs welling in his chest would escape, "while I was…"

"Well," said Rinoa, "not much, really…"

"You were screaming," said Squall, in his usual matter-of-fact way, "and you cried."

Rinoa glared over Irvine's shoulder at Squall. "We weren't sure what to do," she said. "You don't remember?"

Irvine shook his head. "Shit," he said, "I'm sorry I put you through that. Not very heroic, huh?"

"It was one of the bravest things I've ever seen anyone do," said Rinoa. "Here, drink this." She handed him a glass of something that was warm and silky and tasted of brandy. He drank gratefully.

He felt Squall climb off the bed behind him, with a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder. "I promise I'll try and find another way. I don't want to put you through that again."

"We missed the afternoon briefing, by the way," said Rinoa, more brightly. "If that's any consolation."

Irvine managed a half-smile. "Yay, that was worth it then," he said weakly.

"What do you want to do?" she squeezed his hand. "Do you want to be alone?"

He shook his head. "No. Not for a while. Do you guys mind hanging around for a while?"

"'Course not. I tell you what," Rinoa patted his duster pocket, "why don't you let me win back those cards?"

Irvine nodded gratefully.

"Don't think I'm going to let you win, though, Kinneas," said Squall lightly, "in case this was all an act to get our sympathy."

Irvine watched Risha's face, calm again now, her eyelids flickering, dreaming. He shuddered, remembering some of those dreams.

"Come on Irvine," said Squall gently, "it's probably better if we get you out of here."

Irvine let himself be pulled to his feet and led away from Risha to try to escape the pain and fear he knew would haunt him 'til morning.

* * * * * * *

It was close to midnight when Irvine finally left Squall's room. He'd managed to lose most of the cards he'd won from Rinoa earlier, but he'd won one from Squall, which was no mean achievement and a helpful distraction: Squall was a bad loser when it came to cards and had sulked prodigiously, much to Irvine and Rinoa's amusement.

As Irvine left, Rinoa had insisted he keep Angelo with him for the night. Irvine suspected this might be at least in part because she wasn't planning to spend the night in her own room, rather than out of her concern for Irvine's welfare. He'd noticed the small bag Rinoa had taken with her to Squall's quarters; there was a toothbrush sticking out of it that suggested it wasn't Angelo's fur she had a mind to muss tonight. Nevertheless, the company was welcome; Angelo's bit brown eyes were pleasantly adoring and uncomplicated.

"Make yourself at home," Irvine said to his new companion, opening the door to his room, flinging his duster on a chair.

His eyes flickered almost involuntarily to the answering machine. Sure enough, a red light blinked accusingly at him. He managed to ignore the flashing light while he drew blinds, cleaned his teeth and got ready for bed.

Finally he sat on the edge of his bed, burying the fingers of one hand in Angelo's soft, reassuring fur, and pressed the button.

"Hi, it's Frila… you said to call, and I'm free tonight, just wondered if you want to do something… whatever. You've got my number, if you're not saving the world."

His spine tingled at the sound of her voice: he'd known her for just a day, wasn't yet used to the cadence or rhythm of her speech, or her soft Balamb accent, and yet he could call clearly to mind the sound of her scream as she came. His heart raced.

~Sniper. We want.~

~No, Ether. We… I can't. It's wrong.~

~She wants.~

~That's not the point.~

~You need. You are alone.~

~Fuck it, Ether, she's a cadet, it's against regulations. And she could be underage for all I know. Probably is.~

~She wants. You need.~

Irvine was shocked to find he was close to weeping again.

~No. Not this time, Ether. I'm sorry. I'm going to sleep.~

And without waiting for a reply Irvine abruptly closed off the junction. He got into bed, allowing the sudden loss of strength to relax him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Angelo curled up on the bed next to him, resting his head across Irvine's legs, and watched over him 'til dawn.

* * * * * * *

Rinoa curled up next to Squall on his bed, burrowing her head under his arm.

"You were brilliant, with Irvine," she said.

"I didn't do anything, really," he replied. "I just wish we hadn't had to put him through it again." Squall shuddered. "I've got to find a way to keep her asleep without using Ether. Or else convince Irvine to let me junction Ether myself."

"From what Irvine's said, Ether's fussy. I don't know whether he'd junction you."

Squall looked slightly offended. "I've never had any problem junctioning with a Guardian before," he said. "Ever," he added.

"Well, there could be just one being in the world that isn't irresistibly attracted to Squall Leonhart," teased Rinoa. He gave her a reproachful look.

She slipped one finger under his T-shirt, tickling his belly button. His muscles tightened, but to his credit he didn't so much as flinch.

"Anyway," she said, "it's time to switch off your leader head."

"Really?" his voice shook slightly, and she realised maybe he was ticklish after all, "and what head should I switch on instead?"

"Oh," she slipped her hand down to toy with the zip of his leather pants, "I think the sex god one would do nicely."

To her delight he growled at her and pounced, pinning her to the bed and raining kisses on her neck, between her breasts.

"But Commander… this is only our second date."

"Shut up and take those clothes off," said Squall, raising his head for a moment, grey eyes smouldering at her, "and that's an order."

Rinoa obediently wriggled out of her jeans and vest top, took off her bra and pants as he watched, transfixed. She lay back on the bed; he traced one finger from her ankle to her knee, leant over and kissed her belly.

"I've never seen you naked before," he whispered. "You're beautiful."

She tugged at the top of his jeans. "You now," she said.

He pulled his shirt over his head, barely taking his eyes off her, and slithered out of his jeans, leather creaking as he threw them on the floor.

"Grrrr…" said Rinoa appreciatively. His body was strong, lean muscle and soft, pale skin. He was already hard.

He blushed a little, which made Rinoa melt inside and want him all the more.

He leaned over and kissed her, sliding his tongue gently inside her mouth. She moaned and raked his back, slid one hand down to stroke his butt. He teased her lower lip with his teeth, then moved his kisses to her breasts, licking already hard nipples. She gave herself up to him, content to let him explore her body in his own time, closing her eyes and sinking into the soft bed. He moved down her belly and gently parted her knees, knelt between them, kissed the delicate skin at the top of her thighs. One hand still teased her nipple, while the other gently parted her damp folds. He slipped a finger inside her as he lowered his head, his hair tickling her sensitive skin, and very, very softly licked her, his tongue relaxed and wet and warm against her.

"Oh fuck… oh…" Her body was dissolving with pleasure, she was powerless to do anything other than murmur her encouragement. He moved his tongue slowly over her clitoris, two fingers inside her now, palm upwards so he could press against her sweetest spot. She groaned and rocked her hips to press herself against him; he started to lick harder, encouraging her to move herself against his tongue, to find her rhythm. Completely lost now, she felt the pressure building inside her, realised she was moaning his name, and came all over his hand and his mouth, fingers buried in his soft hair.

He slowed down, swirling his tongue softly through her wetness, as she throbbed around his fingers. When her body had begun to relax he raised his head, smiled softly at her. He offered his fingers to her lips and she sucked them slowly into her mouth and closed her eyes, tasting herself on his skin, enjoying the soft caress on her lips and tongue. He raised her hips and drew her to him; she could feel his erection nudging against her, and then he was sliding inside her, letting out a long moan as he filled her with hardness and heat.

He was still for a moment, pressing as deeply inside her as he could, and then started to move, slowly at first, with long, powerful thrusts. She felt her body respond, pleasure building again. She gasped as he stroked her clitoris with his thumb, rubbing her firmly as he began to plunge harder and faster into her. His eyes were shut tight now, his hair straggling damply across his beautiful face, gently biting his lower lip.

"Rinoa… oh fuck, you feel so good…"

She arched her back to meet him as he pounded into her, knowing she was about to come, squeezing herself around his cock, willing him to surrender.

"Oh Rin…" she wrapped her legs around his waist and he lifted her easily so she was sitting upright in his lap as she came, pressing her swollen breasts against his chest. He pushed his cock deep, deep, deeper as he spurted inside her, holding her close, groaning her name.

"My lion… oh, my lion…" she whispered, feeling the strength of their bodies as they pressed into each other.

He kissed her neck, burying his face in her hair. "Grrr," he said, and they both started to giggle helplessly.

Later they lay in bed, comfortable and languid in each others' arms, bodies satisfied, morning not far off. Squall played with Rinoa's hair, twirling strands through his fingers, not questioning his contentment for once, but actually enjoying it.

"Squall…"

"Uhuh?"

"Where did you learn to give head like that?"

He smiled.

"Just… you know. I fooled around some, when I was a cadet. Does it matter?"

She shrugged. "Not really. I just wondered. I mean… I knew I wouldn't be the first. But that was amazing."

"It's never been like that before. At least…"

"Not that you can remember."

"No. But I'm going to remember this. Forever."

"You can't be sure of that."

"Yes I can. I wrote it down while you were in the bathroom."

She laughed. "You didn't, did you?!"

"Yep. Didn't want to take any chances. Anyway," he kissed the top of her head, "I could ask the same question. And you weren't junctioned before you met me, so you can't claim not to remember." It occurred to him too late that he might not want to know.

"Ah. Mmm. Well."

"Seifer." He would rather say the name himself than hear it from her lips.

"Yes. But he wasn't the first, if that makes it any better."

"Really?" Squall was genuinely surprised, and, in an odd kind of way, relieved. "Who, then? Not Zone, surely?"

"No! Honestly, how could you think such a thing. No, it was the son of a friend of my father's, one summer. It was just a holiday thing, really." She nuzzled into his chest.

"I had no idea."

"Well, no. It never came up really, did it?"

"You were always so innocent. Naïve."

"Yes, I know." She shuddered slightly. "Sorry. I was such a pain."

"Shhh. You're all grown up now. That's all I care about."

She reached a hand under the covers.

"Oh look. So are you. Grown up."

"Mmmm. Rin... Rin, what are you doing?"

She said something, but it was lost under the covers and she shimmied down his body.

"Rin… oh fuck. We ought to get some sleep... uh…"

Squall pulled the covers over his head and freed his mind to appreciate just how grown up Rinoa Heartilly had become.

* * * * * * *

Selphie stuffed underwear and a few basic supplied into her kit bag ready for the morning, singing softly.

"Xu," she called in the vague direction of the bathroom, "have you seen my shampoo?"

"It's right here, Selph."

"Oooh, shall I come and get it?"

"If you like. You might get wet, though."

"Promises!" Selphie squealed in delight, and skipped off to the shower, shedding clothes as she went.

She slipped into the shower next to Xu, who was rinsing her hair, water streaming down her shoulders.

"Mmm… you look so good," murmured Selphie appreciatively. "Let me soap you." She tipped a generous blob of gel into her palms and started spreading the foamy stuff over Xu's body, starting with her arms, her neck, her back. Xu closed her eyes as Selphie started to soap her breasts, brushing slick fingers over Xu's hard nipples, moving down, across her soft belly, round her butt and the top of her thighs. Then she pulled her close, rubbing Xu's body against her own, breasts touching breasts, one thigh moving between Xu's legs.

Xu groaned and pushed against the firm muscle of Selphie's thigh, finding her lips and kissing her deep.

"Mnngh… oh, sweetheart, you're so hot…" Selphie purred, "tell me what you need."

"You," gasped Xu, "just… you…" Her hands were on Selphie's waist, holding her steady as she rubbed against her leg. Selphie tickled her breasts with one hand, thumb teasing Xu's nipple, while the other hand snaked between her own legs, touching herself.

"Xu… oh, my darling… have you forgiven me?" Selphie whispered in her ear.

Xu felt tears pricking behind her eyes; she didn't reply but sank her teeth gently into the soft flesh of Sephie's neck, sucking blood to the surface, groaning.

Selphie arched her back, pressing into Xu's bite, her leg hard against Xu's wetness.

"That's it sweetheart… come for Selphie… I'm with you, baby…"

"Oh fuck… oh Selphie…" Xu obediently came, leaning against the tiles, water cascading down her body.

Oh sweetheart… so beautiful.

Xu reached between Selphie's legs, the extra pressure of her hand over hers all Selphie needed to tip her over the edge, collapsing into Xu's body with a sigh.

Xu held her, kissing her neck, already bruising from her bite, as if to caress the mark away.

Selphie reached out and turned off the shower.

"Have you?" she asked, "forgiven me?" She reached for a towel, started to dry Xu's dark hair. "I hate it when you're mad at me."

"Of course I have," said Xu, happy to just stand there and let Selphie rub her dry, fussing over her as if she were a child. "I'm just… frightened."

"Frightened? What of?"

"Of you, Selph. Of you getting hurt. Not coming back."

"That's just plain silly, sweetheart. You know I always come back."

"But…"

"Shhh… " Selphie kissed her, sweetly. "I promise. I'll come back. Before you even know I've gone."

"And you'll remember, won't you? You'll remember this, us, won't you?"

"Hushh.. of course I'll remember! What do you mean?" Selphie looked into her lover's deep brown eyes, worried by the fear she saw there.

"Well… you know Squall and Rinoa forgot… collecting the energy crystals. It happened again today, to Irvine and Squall and Nida. And… it happened to me, too."

Selphie felt a chill, hairs standing up on the back of her neck.

"It was a couple of weeks ago. I didn't even think about it until today. You were visiting in Trabia, and I was working on the first batch of crystals. I'd been in the lab all day, and I remember leaving… then nothing. 'Til the next morning, when I woke up in my own bed. I lost a whole evening."

"Poor sweetheart…" Selphie held Xu close to her as she started to cry.

"Selphie, I'm so frightened. Forgetting's bad enough, but forgetting you've forgotten… I don't know what I did, or anything."

"But there's security cameras in the labs, and most of the corridors… we could find the tapes, play them back. That might remind you, or at least you'd know a bit more about what you've done…"

To Selphie's alarm this suggestion had anything but the soothing effect she'd hoped for: Xu was sobbing now, suddenly feeling very small and fragile in Selphie's arms.

"Sweetheart, baby, shhh…" Selphie held her close, stroked her back through the soft towel.

"I looked at the tapes…" Xu panted between sobs, "and I wasn't on them. Not at all. One second I was in the lab, and the next minute… I wasn't. But the tape didn't show me leave. I just… disappeared."

Selphie closed her eyes tight, choked down her own fear.

"It's probably just a tech problem, silly. The camera just wasn't working right." But her words didn't convince either of them. "Have you told Squall?"

Xu shook her head. "I couldn't. I just… couldn't."

"Well, you must. Talk to him tomorrow. And while I'm away I'll think as hard as I can." She kissed Xu's ear softly. "I can be quite clever, you know, when I try. I'll work it out for you, sweetheart."

"Just… take care," said Xu. "And remember me? Promise?"

Selphie pulled back and looked Xu in the eyes.

"I promise," she said. "I'll take extra special care and I'll come back in one piece and we'll sort all this out. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. How could I ever forget?"

Xu smiled weakly, cupped Selphie's face in one hand and kissed her. And for a while, comforted by her soft warm body, she believed her.

* * * * * * *

Illustration for Irvine's Dream (by PL Nunn)

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